Teenagers go through friends like candy. It's ridiculous how many times we switch best friends. Being a pregnant teen is one of the best tests of a true friendship, or rather being a friend to a pregnant teen.
I'll tell you about my best friend at the time. We hung out allllll the time. For me, it was a little too much. I don't like a lot of the same thing all of the time. But she was still my best friend and I loved her to death! I only told a few select people about my pregnancy until I found out if I was having a boy or a girl. For privacy's sake, we'll call her Amanda. Amanda was the first person other than my family and my boyfriend (at the time) who I told. She was through-the-roof excited! You could even say she was a little more excited than I was, and I didn't know how to handle that...
Automatically she dubbed herself Godmother. I had already decided that none of my kids would have Godparents, unless none of mine or my husbands family is around to take care of them if something were to happen to us. Other than that, I don't see the point of them. So I wasn't going to have one for her. (It also causes problems if multiple people want to be the Godmother, which is what happened in this case...)
She also went off when this idea that she would be in the delivery room with me when I gave birth. I'm the kind of person that doesn't want everyone and their cousins there for things like that. It was just going to be me, my mom, and the doctors. She took it so personally I didn't know how to respond.
My pregnancy turned into her adventure. It was exhausting stressing over the baby, the baby's father, money, and pleasing my best friend. I eventually said what I wanted and told her I was sorry. She got a little mad and we didn't talk for a couple of weeks. She tried talking to me, but I was too stressed over everything and I didn't want to put up with any more drama than I needed to at that point. My energy level was completely depleted at this point and I didn't want to hang out with any one. I didn't want to go anywhere. I just wanted to sleep. And none of my friends could understand that. So I shut down. I lost some friends, I missed out on opportunities, but I found out who my real friends were.
And now we move on to guys. I ran into to this guy I'd had PreCal with while I was at work. Standing behind a counter wearing jacket, you could not tell I was pregnant. Thank God! I didn't think any more of seeing him until later that day when I got a message on Facebook. It progressed, and he asked to take me to lunch on my work break one day that week. I agreed, but said I had something to tell him first. There was no way I was gonna get him out on a "date" for him to discover I was pregnant and not be able to change his mind half way through. So, I told him. It was really weird, since only really close people to me knew. But he was fine with it! He still wanted to go out, and I was thrilled! It was a great date, we hung out a total of 3 times. He told his parents I was pregnant, and they said he couldn't see me anymore. In a nutshell, they didn't want him being brought down by a baby. I understood, but he was 19! To me, he should have been able to make that decision on his own. But because he still lived with his parents, he was required to follow their rules. I respected him for that, but my heart was still broken. I think it had more to do with the fact that for the first time EVER, someones parents didn't approve of me.
It took such a blow to my self-esteem. And it was all because I was pregnant. Had I not been, who knows what would have happened. But several people told me his parents love everyone. Just not me. Oh, did I mention they never met me? Yeah........
People react differently depending on the situation. And you never know who your true friends are, until something like a pregnancy happens.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Oklahoma Teen Mom
It's been almost two weeks since I've posted something, but I want to dedicate this entry to the teenage mom from Oklahoma that shot and killed an intruder on New Year's Eve.
I don't know if you know the story or not, but her husband died on Christmas day from Pneumonia and Lung Cancer. A man showed up to the funeral, and then again at her house two days later on New Year's Eve. He kicked down the front door, and upon seeing a shiny object which she thought was a gun, she fired her own shotgun, killing the intruder.
I know many people think that guns are dangerous. My opinion: they're dangerous to people who are up to no good. For example, the guy that was shot by an 18-year-old widow.
I think that if you have a child in the house, you should have guns. Not just one gun. Guns. In multiple places in the house. Locked up, of course. You have a child, and it is your job, as a parent, to protect him or her, at all costs!
So, props to her. But I feel sooooo bad for her. It's hard enough being a teen mom, but I can't even imagine how hard it is for her to raise a baby by herself, cope with the death of her husband, and cope with the face that she killed someone... Oh, by the way, they had only found out 2 weeks and 4 days before he died that he had Stage 4 Lung Cancer. So try coping with the sudden death of your husband, and all of the above.
I really hope she gets the help she needs...
I don't know if you know the story or not, but her husband died on Christmas day from Pneumonia and Lung Cancer. A man showed up to the funeral, and then again at her house two days later on New Year's Eve. He kicked down the front door, and upon seeing a shiny object which she thought was a gun, she fired her own shotgun, killing the intruder.
I know many people think that guns are dangerous. My opinion: they're dangerous to people who are up to no good. For example, the guy that was shot by an 18-year-old widow.
I think that if you have a child in the house, you should have guns. Not just one gun. Guns. In multiple places in the house. Locked up, of course. You have a child, and it is your job, as a parent, to protect him or her, at all costs!
So, props to her. But I feel sooooo bad for her. It's hard enough being a teen mom, but I can't even imagine how hard it is for her to raise a baby by herself, cope with the death of her husband, and cope with the face that she killed someone... Oh, by the way, they had only found out 2 weeks and 4 days before he died that he had Stage 4 Lung Cancer. So try coping with the sudden death of your husband, and all of the above.
I really hope she gets the help she needs...
Saturday, January 7, 2012
The Donor
It's been almost 6 months since I've talked to him. Sometimes I want to go to court just to drive him crazy. To be able to throw the DNA test and his face and just scream at him. How the heck do you do this to your child? It's not fair to her.
But I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to give him the time of day. I'm not going to go make him take responsibility and sign the Birth Certificate, only to have to go and ask his permission if Jordan ever wants to adopt her. And knowing him, he'd say "no", because he's a difficult jerk.
On certain days, I envy him. Like when she had colic for the first 3 months. And even now when she's 5 months old, he doesn't have to get up 2 or 3 times a night to feed her. He doesn't have to stick the bottom half of her body under the bathtub faucet because she poops out of her diaper just about every other day. He doesn't have to change his clothes at least once a day when she spits up on him because she has Acid Reflux (it's kind of like heartburn in babies). He doesn't have to take her to PT every other week because she has Torticollis (a stiff neck). He doesn't have to watch her face scrunch up and turn purple when she gets her shots. He doesn't have to stay up with her at night when she's sick, or bounce her to sleep. Or buy her things.
But on other days, I just laugh at him. He doesn't get to see her eyes light up when he walks into the room. He doesn't get to tickle her or laugh with her or play games with her. He doesn't get to cuddle with her when she's sick or sleeping. He doesn't get to buy her presents and watch her face light up as she tears of chunks of wrapping paper. He doesn't get to take pictures and watch her grow. He's missin out.
My lawyer said that if he takes more than a year to come to his senses and try to be in her life, it's going to be much harder for him to have rights to see her. Most of me is extremely happy about that. But a small part of me feels bad for Allie. I'll have to explain that he didn't want anything to do with her. And I'll have to explain that Jordan isn't her biological father, but he's her dad. It's going to be hard for me to tell her that, and it's probably going to be harder for her to hear and understand. But as a mother, you have the pleasure of making such hard decisions. The decision whether to try to make a person part of her life even when they don't want to be is one of the hardest decisions a mother may have to make. I pray that you won't, but some of you also may.
You may think that your boyfriend would be there for you if you ever found yourselves in a similar situation. The Donor told me the same thing. The truth is, you never know what people will do until they do it. A promise has 2 different definitions, depending on who makes it. On one hand, it could be what a promise really is: something that sets an expectation of something that will or will not be done. On the other, it could just be words that are said, words that mean nothing when they're supposed to.
The only thing that matters in life are actions. Words are words, but actions show the true color of a person, no matter what.
But I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to give him the time of day. I'm not going to go make him take responsibility and sign the Birth Certificate, only to have to go and ask his permission if Jordan ever wants to adopt her. And knowing him, he'd say "no", because he's a difficult jerk.
On certain days, I envy him. Like when she had colic for the first 3 months. And even now when she's 5 months old, he doesn't have to get up 2 or 3 times a night to feed her. He doesn't have to stick the bottom half of her body under the bathtub faucet because she poops out of her diaper just about every other day. He doesn't have to change his clothes at least once a day when she spits up on him because she has Acid Reflux (it's kind of like heartburn in babies). He doesn't have to take her to PT every other week because she has Torticollis (a stiff neck). He doesn't have to watch her face scrunch up and turn purple when she gets her shots. He doesn't have to stay up with her at night when she's sick, or bounce her to sleep. Or buy her things.
But on other days, I just laugh at him. He doesn't get to see her eyes light up when he walks into the room. He doesn't get to tickle her or laugh with her or play games with her. He doesn't get to cuddle with her when she's sick or sleeping. He doesn't get to buy her presents and watch her face light up as she tears of chunks of wrapping paper. He doesn't get to take pictures and watch her grow. He's missin out.
My lawyer said that if he takes more than a year to come to his senses and try to be in her life, it's going to be much harder for him to have rights to see her. Most of me is extremely happy about that. But a small part of me feels bad for Allie. I'll have to explain that he didn't want anything to do with her. And I'll have to explain that Jordan isn't her biological father, but he's her dad. It's going to be hard for me to tell her that, and it's probably going to be harder for her to hear and understand. But as a mother, you have the pleasure of making such hard decisions. The decision whether to try to make a person part of her life even when they don't want to be is one of the hardest decisions a mother may have to make. I pray that you won't, but some of you also may.
You may think that your boyfriend would be there for you if you ever found yourselves in a similar situation. The Donor told me the same thing. The truth is, you never know what people will do until they do it. A promise has 2 different definitions, depending on who makes it. On one hand, it could be what a promise really is: something that sets an expectation of something that will or will not be done. On the other, it could just be words that are said, words that mean nothing when they're supposed to.
The only thing that matters in life are actions. Words are words, but actions show the true color of a person, no matter what.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
The Very Beginning
I had just turned 16 when I met this guy. He wasn't all that great. Nothing special, but he was interested in me. At 16, I was awkward, had braces, acne, and I was a straight-up nerd. The only thing I locked onto was the fact that he was interested in me. Being that I had never had a real boyfriend before him, I didn't know the signs that tell you if a guy just wants in your pants.
He brought it up, I said no, he persisted for months. I finally gave in... I didn't want to lose someone who said he loved me. This went on for a year and a half. We finally broke it off at the end of July in 2011.
Once you start having sex, it's really hard to stop. And I mean REALLY hard. I couldn't do it. I moved to a new school and I found a guy who was sweet and caring and we ended up dating. He was more of a rebound to me than a boyfriend. I was on the Nuvaring birth control, but I hated it. I got several yeast infections out of it and It was one of the most annoying forms of birth control ever. We were also using condoms, but he got this brand called Fire & Ice. It hurt like crazy, so he took it off. I forgot that I had taken my birth control out a day or two before hand. Sooooooooooo I got pregnant. It was really stupid, I can't believe it was so easy.
I got pregnant mid-October of 2010. Allie's father, or as my sister and I call him, the "Donor", got extremely verbally and emotionally abusive. I'm sure there are much worse guys out there than him, but I got sick of it and I left him. Immediately, he denied being the father. So he basically accused me of cheating on him without actually saying it. Having been cheated on myself, I would never do that to anyone. But he wouldn't listen to anything I had to say. He couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that I might be leaving him because of how he treated me, and how stressed out he made me. Stress is not good for babies, and I wasn't about to put my unborn child through that. Little did I know that that wasn't going to solve any problems...
I cried at least once a week, usually twice or more. Not because of him, but because of what I was going through. I had trouble coming to terms with the fact that I wouldn't be able to go to a 4-year University and be a teenager and just have fun. I still have trouble doing that sometimes. I've had depression/anxiety since I was in middle school. It might even date back to Elementary School. Who knows. But it sucks. And the hormonal imbalance of pregnancy doesn't make it any easier.
For the remainder of my pregnancy, we would go back and forth over adoption and keeping the baby and everything inbetween. His father left him when he was 3 or 4, along with his two siblings and his mom. He swore he would never do that to her, but at the same time he didn't want to believe that he was the father. Or take responsibility. I don't know what his problem is, but he convinced me of one thing: Women mature MUCH faster than men.
Breaking up didn't lower my stress level one bit. It made me realize that I wasn't going to get any help from him and that if I wanted anything from him, I would have to fight for it. I didn't want anything from him other for him to be a father to his daughter. I could care less if he had anything to do with me. I just wanted Allie to have a father. But I soon came to the realization that I can't force someone to be a father. If Allie had a father in her life that really could care less about her, it would hurt her more than not having him in her life at all. So I'm not going to force him to do anything for me or her. I've shut him out and I'm not letting him in her life. Some of you may think that that's not fair to her, but I feel like that's the best thing I could ever do for my daughter.
He didn't sign the birth certificate, and I haven't seen or talked to him since she was 1 day old. And I couldn't care less. Sure, the couple hundred bucks a month I would get from child support would be fantastic! But it's not worth hundreds of dollars in court costs, legal fees, and a paternity test.
Luckily for me, I met this amazing guy 3 weeks before Allie was born. Jordan. He didn't care that I had a beach ball as a belly. He didn't care that I was having a baby. He didn't care that I wasn't going to have sex with him. He didn't care. He just saw me for me. We hung out together the next day, on his 21st birthday, and he was sober. He told me that he didn't need to drink. He was talking to me. My heart melted. I fell in love in a matter of a couple weeks. I know, that sounds absolutely crazy. But it's true. He is Allie's father now. I love him to death, and he thinks of Allie as his own. If it were just Jordan and Allie and I in the world, I would be the happiest girl in the world.
But it's not, and I'm not, and that's for another day.
But it's not, and I'm not, and that's for another day.
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